I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
