Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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