my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
