I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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