The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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