What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
