just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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