My room smells like vodka and shame
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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