if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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