I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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