I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You are a genius and a whore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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