look no pants
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
