wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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