he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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