I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
