the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Life is so much better after having sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
