you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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