she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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