That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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