Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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