You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just had sex bonerless
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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