I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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