Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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