I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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