when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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