there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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