Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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