Duck Duck Cougar?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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