The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
