so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
