i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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