Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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