I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
