We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
