My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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