Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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