i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
