just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
