is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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