mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
