Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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