so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
