I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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