no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
