I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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