I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
