I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
