if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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