so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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