Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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