you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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