he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
