Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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