I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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