we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Non-Jews are for practice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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