Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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