he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
