this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We're too hungover to prance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
