after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
