He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
