we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
