it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
