Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
