U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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