We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
