Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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