This is not my ceiling
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
