Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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