Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
