AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
