some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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