some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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