Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
