you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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