he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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