Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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