forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
