I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
