Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
