now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
